For women in the over 50 brigade, none of this is news. For those girls who are younger, more innocent and still delusional, this is your future. Get ready. Growing old…er is inevitable but, as George Burns said, “…growing old is not for the faint of heart.” He wasn’t lying!
The good: you save a small fortune on cosmetics. Nobody’s looking at you so why use them?
The bad: you spend a small fortune on hoof and heel cream to “moisturize” your face which refuses to give up its wrinkles without surgery.
The good: the hair on your legs grows slower so you don’t have to shave as often.
The bad: your mustache comes in better than your grandson’s. The hair on your chin picks up the slack on your head. Where are the tweezers?
The good: there are no worries about unwanted pregnancy – no one will touch you with a barge pole.
The bad: hormones still rush through your blood stream but all you get for your trouble is hot flashes.
The good: you have all the original equipment (read body parts) you sailed through your 20’s with.
The bad: the equipment seems to have stretched, slipped and/or slid downward. Gravity’s a bitch.
The good: You don’t care about the picture on your driver’s license.
The bad: You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
The good: You can stay up as late as you want and watch anything you want to on TV.
The bad: You can’t keep your eyes open after 8PM.
The good: You can get up as late as you want.
The bad: You can’t get a good night’s sleep so getting up late means 5AM.
The good: you’ve got plenty of money to buy what you need.
The bad: you don’t need anything, at all. In fact, you are giving away more than you get!
The good: you actually get to sit on your butt and do nothing.
The bad: you actually get to sit on your butt and do nothing.
I started with a quote from George Burns. I am going to close with quote from another 20th century philosopher, Charles M. Schulz, whose advice we women of a certain age would be well advised to take. “I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” Schulz knew how short the future was so live in the moment; only dread today – it’s all you’ve got!
BTW – if you enjoyed this and want more of the same, visit C-Boom and laugh yourself silly.