Tag Archives: humor

Dismal Economic Picture Is All Our Fault

The dismal state of the economy is apparently our fault – all of us middle class, taxpaying citizens who have been laid off, fired and unable to get a job are part of the problem.

Who knew?

Gail Collins of the NYTimes, apparently.

We may be to blame for the current state of the economy but Collins offers some pretty solid advice for turning the economy around.

We should all stop looking for the bad news – like the applause from a Texas crowd when Presidential candidate Rick Perry mentioned the 234 people executed in the Lone Star state.  We really need to start looking for good news which Collins says is everywhere.

Collins belongs up on the Satirist Wall of Fame right beside Cervantes, Frank Zappa, Mark Twain, Juvenal — and all the other great chroniclers of their time whose wit and insight have helped all of us make it through yet another day in which we are cast as the reason the sky is falling in.

Wars we can’t afford, bailing out billionaire stock brokers and CEOs who don’t deserve a dime, denying climate change and speculating the cost of gasoline up to $4.00 a gallon have nothing to do with where we are now.  It’s you and me and our negative attitudes.

So toss off the shroud, read Gail Collins and go out there and find all that good news that is waiting to be shared!  Really!!  Really???

 

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Filed under Life & Death

Growing Old…er: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

For women in the over 50 brigade, none of this is news.  For those girls who are younger, more innocent and still delusional, this is your future.   Get ready.  Growing old…er is inevitable but, as George Burns said, “…growing old is not for the faint of heart.”    He wasn’t lying!

The good: you save a small fortune on cosmetics.  Nobody’s looking at you so why use them?
The bad:
you spend a small fortune on hoof and heel cream to “moisturize” your face which refuses to give up its wrinkles without surgery.

The good: the hair on your legs grows slower so you don’t have to shave as often.
The bad: your mustache comes in better than your grandson’s.  The hair on your chin picks up the slack on your head.  Where are the tweezers?

The good: there are no worries about unwanted pregnancy – no one will touch you with a barge pole.
The bad: hormones still rush through your blood stream but all you get for your trouble is hot flashes.

The good: you have all the original equipment (read body parts) you sailed through your 20’s with.
The bad: the equipment seems to have stretched, slipped and/or slid downward. Gravity’s a bitch.

The good: You don’t care about the picture on your driver’s license.
The bad: You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.

The good: You can stay up as late as you want and watch anything you want to on TV.
The bad: You can’t keep your eyes open after 8PM.

The good: You can get up as late as you want.
The bad: You can’t get a good night’s sleep so getting up late means 5AM.

The good: you’ve got plenty of money to buy what you need.
The bad: you don’t need anything, at all.  In fact, you are giving away more than you get!

The good: you actually get to sit on your butt and do nothing.
The bad: you actually get to sit on your butt and do nothing.

I started with a quote from George Burns.  I am going to close with quote from another 20th century philosopher, Charles M. Schulz, whose advice we women of a certain age would be well advised to take.  “I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”  Schulz knew how short the future was so live in the moment; only dread today – it’s all you’ve got!

BTW – if you enjoyed this and want more of the same, visit C-Boom and laugh yourself silly.

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Filed under Freelance Writing, Life & Death, Uncategorized