April 15, 2011 · 7:55 am

Finding Heroes In Hospitals

Six weeks in hell in a hospital with my sister has taught me many things but one of the most important is who really are the heroes.

Are they the surgeon? The cardiologists? The specialists who swoop in, make their cuts and move on?

In some cases, yes, but there are many more heroes who travel the halls of today’s hospitals, many of them unnoticed by administration or management but it is these heroes I want to say thank you to.

There was the housekeeper who found me collapsed, in tears, watching transport wheel my sister’s gurney off to the OR. Without a thought, she dropped her mop and wrapped her arms around me, held me, told me it would be okay. A hero, a human being who touched my soul for a few moments and gave me comfort.

There was the nurse who watched me watch you, who listened to me and started slowly, bravely and repeatedly pushing the Resident, asking for tests and finally telling him that my sister was in full renal failure. A man who risked his career for my sister, him I will not forget.

The housekeeper who stopped what she was doing and walked me to the cabinet to get a warm blanket, the nurse who pushed away from the computer and came down the hall with me to soothe my sister’s pain, the security guards who welcomed me, smiled and said good morning, the cashiers in the cafeteria who always asked how I was doing and how my sister was doing — all of them are heroes, the underpinnings of the hospital that make the work of the technicians – read doctors – possible.

These are my heroes, men and women who come to work every day and see sorrow, pain, loss, played out in every corridor and every room and still they reach out to touch, to help, to care.  These are people I will not soon forget and will never be able to thank.

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March 15, 2011 · 6:46 am

In Love, With Cancer

It always starts the same way…a phone call, a finding, “We’re hopeful that…”

Cancer has been my constant companion for more than 10 years now.  It tapped my husband first and took me to my knees as the hours, days, weeks passed.  He survived but at a series of terrible prices which I will share over the coming weeks and months.

Four years ago, my oldest brother was diagnosed with a malignant cytoma in his brain.  The Cyber-Knife showed a sister tumor and they sewed him up.  He died in two months.

Last May, my brother Bob had a cerebral hemorrhage brought on by a large, malignant tumor in his brain.  He died in two weeks.

Today, right now, my older and dearer sister is battling for her life, a 25 centimeter ovarian tumor taking over her abdomen and her every conscious moment.  She is in an ICU, on a vent and still has another surgery to go.

With each of them, I have suspended my life, shut it down to the 10 foot by 12 foot white prison cell called a hospital room.  Watching, caring, calling out what I see and demanding attention when it was needed.  Day after day, and in many cases all through the night, I have lived with them, breathed for them, watched them, prayed for them and advocated, always advocated for them.

Everything else fades away and life narrows to the hospital bed, the pinpoint that demands all your attention.  You are tired to the bone and still you stay, you watch, you help, you cry.  You ache in your joints and in your heart and still, you stay, soothing, calming, trying to reassure.  You forget what day it is, when you last ate, what a hot cup of tea tastes like, what it’s like to lie down in a bed to sleep instead of a chair and still, you stay.

That’s what it means to be in love…with cancer.

Heading back to the hospital to hold her hand, tell her where she is, what is happening and what will happen next.  I will write more about this, about the nurses who are heroes every day and about the good, the bad and the ugly of health care and hospitals.

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March 1, 2011 · 7:19 am

Five Steps For Saving The World

Changing the world, that’s what I thought I would do when I was young.  It was the 60’s after all.  We, the young people of the United States, broke the back of the Vietnam War and brought our brothers and fathers home.

We looked at a world of inequality — a country where people of color had to use separate facilities and had no opportunity and a country where a woman couldn’t get a credit card, a car or even an apartment in her own name without a co-signer and decided to fight.  We marched on Washington and won equal rights for all, regardless of race, religion or sex.

We really thought that we could make a difference.  Then we got married, had babies, went to work and stopped fighting for causes.  Oh sure, we wrote checks; I still do but I’m not rich–I’m unemployed.  So the money being sent to organizations like the  Nature Conservancy, National Wildlife Federation, Sierra Club, Audubon Society just doesn’t seem like very much.  In fact, in light of all the ecological problems this island, Earth, is facing, it seems downright pitiful

Stuck in the circular thinking of I can’t solve all the problems so why bother, I was left wondering just how can one person make a difference?

Then a card arrived in the mail.  It was a small, nondescript card from an organization unknown to me and asking for a donation.  And although I don’t have much money, I sent them a donation the same day I opened their envelope.  Why?

They answered my question.

The Ocean Conservancy asked for $18.00 if I could spare it.  In return, they offered me five small steps — steps that one person could take and, literally, start a “sea change.”

  1. Don’t pour harsh chemicals down the drain or into storm sewers.  The only end up in the drinking water down stream.  DO seal and wrap them in the original containers and call your city or county waste center for disposal instructions.
  2. Don’t litter or throw trash in streams, on the shoreline or in the ocean. DO volunteer to help rid our seas of the trash that can kill or entangle marine wildlife.  Volunteer for the Ocean Conservancy’s coastal clean up by calling 1-800-262-BEACH.
  3. Don’t use commercial cleaners – products that contain bleach and ammonia.  Substitute the ones our grandparents used, like white vinegar, baking soda and borax.  They clean as well and cause much less damage.
  4. Don’t drop your boat into the water and drive out into the lake or the ocean with loose debris or packaging that could blow off the deck.  DO look for and dispose of anything that could drop overboard before setting sail.
  5. Don’t keep flushing thousands of gallons of usable water down  your toilet.  Do fill a plastic water bottle with water and place it in your tank.  You could save up to 5,000 gallons of water every year.

Everyone can do every one of these things.  Not one of them costs anything to do. If you are living on this planet and enjoying this diverse community we call the world, you can join people from all walks of life and make a difference.

Thank you to that person, toiling somewhere in the offices of the Ocean Conservancy, who like me probably thought that one day he, she, I, we could save the world.   Because he or she reminded me, we can.

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February 23, 2011 · 6:52 am

Robbing The Poor To Pay The Rich

People are losing their jobs, losing their health coverage and losing their homes.  Foreclosures and food banks are still making headlines as the United States continues to march along the path to economic disaster.

That’s not really news.  Most of the middle class is living the nightmare that was created and managed by very wealthy politicians and businessmen who held out helping hands to each other, to save Wall Street billionaires, banking and financial millionaires and major insurance emperors like those who headed up AIG.

The real news is that the people we elected to straighten the economic ship out, create jobs, cut unemployment, save Social Security, offer medical care to all, not just those with an insurance card – those politicians are at it again.  And if their jawing and rhetoric continue, when the bill comes due you won’t see any of them or their rich friends and cronies reaching for their wallets.  It will be down to the poorest and the weakest to pony up and pay.

In fact, for the rich, the economic disaster story has a happy ending according to Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont.  At a recent budget hearing he offered some statistics that should make most of us take notice.

Let me repeat a few of thos statistics just so you can’t miss them.

The income of the top 1% of the population tripled since the 1970’s – from 8% to 23%.  Since 2007, the average annual income for the 400 wealthiest Americans doubled – from an average of $345 million a year to just under $800 million.  Under the Bush administration, this same group of people, the top 400, saw their tax burden cut in half.

Not many people offer plain talk about the current economy, how we got here and who got rich along the way.  Senator Sanders does in just over 7 minutes.  No slogans, no rhetoric, just facts make the case for balancing the American budget NOT on the backs of the vast majority but equitably.

Listen up.  Senator Sanders isn’t talking to you and me; he is talking for us.

There probably won’t be another crash, another “Great Depression” – read Robert Reich’s new book if you don’t believe me.  But unless someone in Washington D.C. “grows a set”, stops yakking about the situation and starts making choices that will right the ship, there will be the slow and deliberate unraveling that comes with an economy in decline.   And you and I and every person whose income falls below $100,000 a year will pay the price.

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February 14, 2011 · 10:39 am

Cheerleading, Really?

Really!

I used to be one of those people who rolled their eyes when someone bragged about their little girl being a cheerleader.  It seemed so demeaning and frivolous.  Costumes loaded with sequins, make up, high hair and glitter everywhere.  What was the point except to put young girls on exhibit?  Maybe it was more for the moms –for those aging women with memories of pom poms and Friday night football?

Maybe not.

Cheerleading is fast becoming a respected sport.  Note the feature article in ESPN’s February issue (you will need to be a member to read this article online).  It has grown into the best combination of dance, gymnastics and tumbling and is being considered as a possible NCAA sport.

But after watching and listening I have come to realize that cheerleading is much more than a sport.  And not just because my 12-year-old granddaughter, Miranda, joined Kehler’s Dragons cheerleading squad.   At first I just picked her up at practice when her parents couldn’t.  This year, with her Mom in nursing school, I have joined thousands of other parents and grandparents on the sidelines,  watching and, dare I say it, cheering for our  children as they perform.

I have also spent those hours in the company of hundreds of laughing, happy and self confident children ranging from 3 years to 16 years old.  And this time, these children, have forced me to do a 180 degree turn.  At my age, that  isn’t easy but here I go.

Every week, all across the country, thousands of girls and some boys get together to practice and perform with their cheerleading squads.  They learn routines, moves and exercises.  This very physical activity gets them fit; it also teaches them some invaluable lessons, lessons that will never leave them.

Cheerleading teaches trust – children tossing other children into the air and knowing that they will catch and be caught.  It teaches the value of team work – none of them can do this alone.  They need each other.  Standing side by side, united in their cause, older girls help and hold the younger ones.  Younger squad members cheer for the older ones and dance for joy — not when they win but when they successfully complete their routine.

Young and old, the cheerleaders learn respect – for each other, for themselves.  And if the parents and grandparents are watching, they learn something too.  Across the stadium or arena, you can see these children bridge all the differences  we have sometimes found so hard to overcome — culture, money, race, size and beauty — all united in their love for their chosen sport.

So I say, three cheers for cheerleading!

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February 7, 2011 · 7:12 am

Growing Old…er: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

For women in the over 50 brigade, none of this is news.  For those girls who are younger, more innocent and still delusional, this is your future.   Get ready.  Growing old…er is inevitable but, as George Burns said, “…growing old is not for the faint of heart.”    He wasn’t lying!

The good: you save a small fortune on cosmetics.  Nobody’s looking at you so why use them?
The bad: you spend a small fortune on hoof and heel cream to “moisturize” your face which refuses to give up its wrinkles without surgery.

The good: the hair on your legs grows slower so you don’t have to shave as often.
The bad: your mustache comes in better than your grandson’s.  The hair on your chin picks up the slack on your head.  Where are the tweezers?

The good: there are no worries about unwanted pregnancy – no one will touch you with a barge pole.
The bad: hormones still rush through your blood stream but all you get for your trouble is hot flashes.

The good: you have all the original equipment (read body parts) you sailed through your 20’s with.
The bad: the equipment seems to have stretched, slipped and/or slid downward. Gravity’s a bitch.

The good: You don’t care about the picture on your driver’s license.
The bad: You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.

The good: You can stay up as late as you want and watch anything you want to on TV.
The bad: You can’t keep your eyes open after 8PM.

The good: You can get up as late as you want.
The bad: You can’t get a good night’s sleep so getting up late means 5AM.

The good: you’ve got plenty of money to buy what you need.
The bad: you don’t need anything, at all.  In fact, you are giving away more than you get!

The good: you actually get to sit on your butt and do nothing.
The bad: you actually get to sit on your butt and do nothing.

I started with a quote from George Burns.  I am going to close with quote from another 20th century philosopher, Charles M. Schulz, whose advice we women of a certain age would be well advised to take.  “I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”  Schulz knew how short the future was so live in the moment; only dread today – it’s all you’ve got!

BTW – if you enjoyed this and want more of the same, visit C-Boom and laugh yourself silly.

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February 2, 2011 · 11:14 am

Why I Love Working From Home

I love looking out the window in the dead of winter at 20 inches of snow, topped by ½ an inch of ice and knowing I don’t have to go anywhere…

No coat, no car keys, no struggle to get down our 140 foot driveway…just the heavy questions of what type of tea to drink and how soon my oatmeal will be ready.   I can do all of my work inside – research, interviews, even photo-gathering.  I can start at 5AM or 5PM.  I can break for 5 minutes or 5 hours, surf the net, talk on my phone or pet my puppies.

No one hovers over my shoulder telling me how to do the very job they hired me to do in the first place.  No co-workers shuffle from foot to foot while explaining why their bit of the project isn’t done yet using excuses that usually run in one of three veins:

1.       Didn’t really understand what it was I wanted them to do.

2.       Understood what it was I wanted them to do but didn’t know how to do it.

3.       Didn’t like what it was I wanted them to do so they did something else.

Believe me, after 35 years in the world of business, I have heard every lame excuse for not doing the work you are being paid to do.  And frankly, it is a joy to get up every morning knowing I don’t have to listen to one more lame reason for taking the money and not doing the job.

One other bonus that I especially love — being able to listen to some of my favorite shows like Inspector Morse – running in the background, warming my heart and reminding me about the wit, intellect and humor of Colin Dexter.

I may not make as much money as I did in the corporate world but I must say there is a whole lot to be said for working from home.  Think I’ll just go make another cup of tea.

Ice, snow and no need to travel.

The benefit of working from home, ice, snow and no need to travel.

 

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February 1, 2011 · 7:43 am

Get A Good Cup Of Tea at a great price

The Brits may have been a poncy lot in 1776 and maybe they still are but they had/have one thing right…tea.  I start every morning and end every evening with a “cuppa.”

The weather this winter has me thinking about and enjoying my tea just a little bit more than usual.  Nothing like sitting at my desk, my fingers wrapped around a warm mug of tea, watching the sun rise and the snow, sleet and freezing rain fall.

A year ago, I would have bought my teas from another, fairly famous tea shoppe and web site but… when I lost my job, I knew I would not be able to pay $52 a pound for anything, let alone tea!

So, since I suddenly had a bit of time on my hands, I studied my favorite teas.  What was in them?  What could I taste, what flavors?  What could I see in them?  Once I had a few ideas, I went shopping at Adagio.com to get the ingredients and start concocting.  It took a couple of tries but I finally got the morning and evening teas I love for a whole lot less.

My morning tea is caffeinated but it does not jangle my nerves or upset my stomach.  Dubbed Mucci’s Mix, it’s a blend of masala and thai chai with some lemon grass and honeybush hazelnut added to round out the flavors.   The spicy and rich flavor makes it a great way to start the day.

Nights used to be troubled for me; sleep came and went but I never had a good night’s sleep, never felt rested.   That “other” company had a blend that was soothing and helped me sleep but I could not afford to buy it, either.

So I created this blend to save money but I also made it to save my sanity!

My evening tea is not only flavorful, it is beautiful.  The garnet color of this tea, called Sweet Sleep, comes from the blood orange which is perked up by the peppermint and rounded out by the lemon grass.  I love this tea and the good night’s sleep it brings with it.    Make a cup and sail into slumber every night.

Stay warm and dry and enjoy the teas and the dollars you save by buying these Adagio blends.

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January 28, 2011 · 8:11 am

Where’s The Book on Getting Old?

Growing old is a little like childbirth; everybody talks about it but no one prepares you for what it really means.

There is no book.  There is no one who can tell you what it will be like to watch the stars in your universe go out, one by one.  There is no one who can tell you what it’s like to survive mother, father, brother, sister.

You think about your own health and worry that this ache or that pain won’t get so bad you can’t handle it.You muse on death — yours mostly. What will it be like?  Will I be gracious?  Scared?  Bitchy?  But you don’t think about who will die and how you will live through it.

Chronology says it will be your grandparents first then your parents.   Intellectually, that can dull the prospect of their loss but still, it does not prepare you for their actual deaths.  Pain, sorrow and regret travel with you through the days of their illness, death and “final disposition.”  But, as the saying goes, they were old; it was expected.

What happens when chronology fails you?  When the unthinkable happens?  When one brother dies, slowly  and another one, suddenly?

A loss too big to contemplate and then it is a reality — debilitating — knocking me off my slats.  Both had brain tumors.  Mike died in two months; Bob died in 2 weeks.  I died a little with each one and losing them causes me pain every day.

How do you manage it when a loved one’s light flickers then goes out?  Drinking doesn’t help.  Overeating is not something that appeals to me and frankly, shopping has never been a way for me to deflect reality.  Reading helps and so do movies but the reality of losing both of my brothers, facing the loss of my sister and possibly surviving my husband, daughter, grandchildren sits dead center on my chest every minute of every hour of every day.  I want to shake it but don’t know how.

That’s the book that still needs writing.  Death and Dying for Dummies – any takers?

Happier days, before they left for darkling plains

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January 19, 2011 · 8:37 am

One Writer’s Mistakes – Buying But Not Reading

Writing has been in my blood for decades.  Words dance in my head from the moment I wake up to the moment my head drops onto the pillow.  Successful as a writer for magazines, professional groups and web sites, I still long for success as a writer of the Great American Novel — a wonderful goal that, at my current rate, I will never reach.

Why?  Because I persist in making all the mistakes that novice writers make starting with a common one — buying books — not reading or writing them.  I consider this…

Mistake #1

I am surrounded by books — on my desk, in the bookcase, on my nightstand, even in my car!   Pick a day or an hour and you will find me with two or three books “in progress.”  But somehow, with all that information filling every space in my rooms and in my head, this reader and writer has managed to ignore some of the best advice in the world.  I buy books on writing…but I don’t read them.

Ursula K. Le Guin’s book Steering The Craft languishes on my shelf beside Artful Sentences, Writing Dialogue and Modus Operandi.  I could start a lending library with all the books I own.  But instead of reading them, I dust them , look fondly at the titles and think about cracking one open until life intercedes and the books go back to gathering dust and fading in the sunlight.

Well, they did until last week when I idly picked up James Cross Giblin‘s Guide to Writing Children’s Books.  Giblin  has authored twenty-five books of his own and in his years at Clarion Books helped grow its titles to 400 books in print.  The man knows the children’s book market and he shares ideas, resources and just plain common sense advice in his guide.

I wrote my whole YA novel with that book sitting about six feet from my elbow.  Three hundred pages, three rewrites and my novel is still in the “shopping” stage.  Now, only two words dance in my head…if only.

So while I wrestle with the fact that I had insight and wisdom sitting on my shelf and chose to ignore it, here’s hoping that other, aspiring authors can learn from my mistake.  Don’t just buy books – read them!  Even the bad ones have something to offer.

There are many more writer’s mistakes to explore.  In the coming weeks, a few more mistakes that can derail your writing and a few more ways to avoid them.

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